An Entrepreneur Looks at Fifty
I’m old.
At least, I thought that I would be old by now. After all, as a kid all adults are old. Your parents are old. And your grandparents? Ancient.
As you enter young adulthood, forty and fifty still look old. Sixty and up? It’s all over.
Then you hit your thirties… your forties… and suddenly “old” is not so old any more.
I turned fifty on my last birthday. And I’ve gotta say, it feels pretty darned good!
Huh. Who knew half a century could fly by so fast?
Obviously, those who have gone before. And then there are the sixty and seventy year old people who say I’m just a pup. And those in their eighties and up? Well, they’d say that now is when life really gets good.
For many people, fifty is really hard. For me, forty-nine was the challenging year. Between changes in my personal life and preparing to re-launch my career after a two-year sabbatical, the THOUGHT of turning fifty was way more difficult than actually hitting the milestone.
Turning fifty is definitely a time for reflection. And I suppose it’s not uncommon to take stock of your life and attempt to make decisions regarding the next fifty years.
So here I am, re-emerged from my time off with a new perspective and new choices to make. Following are some of the thoughts I have as I approach the long march towards one-hundred.
1) I accept who I am, warts and all
Well, I don’t actually have any warts per-se, but I do have many flaws. I mess up… often. I hurt others from time to time. And there are so many times I look back at my choices and have to ask myself, “What WERE you thinking?!” (Chances are I wasn’t really thinking at all.)
While I hope to mess up less, hurt others (and myself) less often and aspire to have fewer regrets, I’ve come to accept that this is who I am. Rather than beat myself up for my shortcomings, I embrace the fact that God has made me unique, with my own set of unique idiosyncrasies. I know my heart is in the right place, so I accept who I am. If others don’t like me, well that’s okay. Look at it this way. [tbpquotable]If the President of the United States rarely gets better than a fifty percent approval rating, I can lower expectations for myself.[/tbpquotable]
2) I’m more accepting of others
I guess this is the corollary to #1. I used to be far more dogmatic about my beliefs, be they political, religious or more importantly, about taste in music. I wouldn’t hesitate to tell you why you were just flat-out wrong about something.
But as I’ve become more accepting of myself, I find myself wanting to judge others less. Don’t get me wrong. I still enjoy sitting in a public place with a friend and playing the “Judge that Passerby” game while unsuspecting victims are being secretly made fun of. (Admit it, you’ve done it as well… and I’m sure I’ve been the victim of it as well! I can hear it now… “Look at that guy with the ratty t-shirt and unshaven face. I’ll bet he’s homeless…)
But in general, I’m more okay with not passing judgment on others who think, feel and believe different from me. That’s not to say my beliefs are shifting. It’s just that I can’t really change how others believe by telling them they are wrong. It just isn’t effective. What’s the point?
Honestly, I really don’t care how you live your life as long as you don’t hurt others. Vote (or choose not to vote) any way you want to. Choose to believe as I do religiously or choose whatever path you want (See #4 below for more on this). And if you want to think that the Rolling Stones are better than The Beatles, that’s your problem prerogative.
3) My priorities have shifted
I used to be very driven and ambitious to be successful. I never had a mindset of needing a lot of stuff, but I managed to accumulate quite a bit just the same. I’ve never purchased expensive cars or felt the need to own a boat like some of my peers who like to take photos of themselves living the high life. I’m not judging those who do live like that. It’s just never been for me.
Now, more than ever, I am interested in the quality of my life. [tbpquotable]I would much rather work smart than work hard.[/tbpquotable] I now know that the greatest successes in my business were often not the result of burning the midnight oil. Rather, they came about through a combination of calculated risk, good choices and relationships with others. Of course, the choices were only confirmed to be solid in retrospect, but the risks were always measured.
I don’t need a lot of money. I would like to continue to earn enough to live a lifestyle which I enjoy. That means I want to cover my obligations and be able to have or do the things that are most important to me.
The icing on the cake would be to have an abundance that could be put towards helping others. Whether it’s supporting a great cause like WaterIsLife.com or being able to meet needs of individuals who cross my path, I would much rather pour out to others than accumulate and keep it all for myself. It’s very true that you can’t take it with you, so why try?
4) I have better boundaries
How many times have you shared a problem with others and they immediately chime in to tell you how you should fix things. And on the flip side, how many times have you shared unsolicited advice with others? Oops, I’ve done it again. We’ve all done it.
And I’m over it.
Unless I specifically ask someone for an opinion on any subject, including my diet, exercise regime, relationship or parenting choices, or whatever else it may be, then here’s the deal… I’m not looking for your opinion. I don’t need you to fix me. I won’t be pressured into doing something I don’t want to do. And I definitely don’t want you to “should” on me by telling me how I should be living my life.
I’m doing my best to do likewise. Sometimes I have to bite my tongue because my natural inclination is to want to help. But I’m not walking a mile, or even one step, in another’s shoes. I really have no right to share my opinion unless it is solicited.
When someone shares their unsolicited opinion or advice with me, I may say something like “I appreciate your concern, but I think I will work through this one just fine.” If they don’t get the point and persist, I’ll be a little more forthright and say “I don’t recall asking for your opinion” (always with a smile on my face.)
If I feel I have something to add to the conversation and don’t want to violate other’s boundaries, I’ll say something like “I can appreciate what you are going through. Would you like to know my thoughts on that?” or “May I share my opinion?”
Two things happen when you ask permission. First, you are respecting the person you are speaking with. Second, if they say yes than they are more open and receptive to what you have to say.
5) I take more stuff in stride
We all have our share or trials and tribulations. Sometimes things just don’t work out the way we thought they would. What are you going to do about it?
[tbpquotable]Life is short. I don’t want to get all twisted up about stuff, whether or not I have any control over it. I want to do the best I can and then rest knowing that I gave it my best shot.[/tbpquotable]
I once saw a book titled “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, and It’s All Small Stuff”
I don’t know if everything is a small thing. I wouldn’t minimize death or cancer or divorce or a child ending up in big trouble. But the fact is there is only so much we can actually do about how things play out.
Carpe all the diems you can, my friends. You just don’t know what tomorrow will bring.
Of course, there are many more lessons I have learned, and continue to learn, on my journey. But I hope these five perspectives are helpful to you as you continue down the path of your own journey.
Comments? I won’t say you “should” leave them below, but they are certainly welcome.
Great Joel, really great blog post. I’ve very much enjoyed the time I’ve spent with you in the last year and a half. You’re kind, listen and easy going. At the same time, it’s very clear you’re driven. Driven for reasons that reasonate with me.
Peace, love and pixie dust.
B G J
Yes sir Joel Comm I agree with you, you’re right, awesome
“We can not really change what others think telling them they are wrong. It just is not effective. What’s the point?”
only that exist in the spiritual world, a vital reality, which people depend greatly on Christian conduct that determine human behavior, not to mention the Asians, completely foreign to God, the consequences are seen, but unsure how, say “we can not change” thank you for your attention
Thank you, Joel, for saying so well what it try to live at age 70! Life lived on these terms just gets better and better. Happy 50’s! The BEST is yet to come.
Very nice post about being “real!” I’ve got a few years on you, and I honestly don’t even remember my 50th birthday as any big deal. But as 60 keeps getting closer, I’ve been thinking about many of these things – such as how do I want to be remembered? What am I going to do during the 5, 10, 20 years to make it happen? Now that my kids are (almost) out of college and starting to have their own kids, priorities are changing – I never had a grandpa role model (even though I had a great dad for a role model), so I’m still figuring life out. But I agree that it isn’t about things, rather relationships that really matter. Anyways, thanks for the post and for being a friend.
Oops! Should have been “what I try to live” NOT it!
Joel,
Interesting reading this because just yesterday I was chatting about what it is going to be like to live to 150 years old. Yes, seriously that is my goal and expectation. Not only do I take care of myself to look good now and prepare for my next big race, but for all those years ahead. I can remember my dad saying over and over, “It’s crazy turning 65 (66/67/68/69/70). I still feel like I am 20 in my mind. I wish my body still did.” I have heard similar from many others too. So if we feel young in our minds at every age, then why not stay strong in body and health so that our body is as ready to go as our mind at any age? So my conversation with my chiropractor finished with a dialog about what can I do better today that will help me 50 years from now and every day in between? And that all ties in well to your other points of not sweating the small stuff, being more tolerant, less judgmental, and accepting who you are. And as a reminder Joel, you’re one freakin’ awesome guy and always getting more awesome.
Joel,
I would have thought that at 50, you would celebrate by increasing the font size on your blog.
Hehehe…
Adam
Great post Joel. It took me going through my ‘season of crisis’ 13 years ago to get clarity. In addition to taking ‘almost’ everything in stride, my age and facing my mortality have caused me to make three big shifts in my life.
1) I focus more on the important people in my life.
2) I give more, both time and money, to make a positive difference
3) I laugh more. I not only love to laugh at, I love making people laugh. Laughter is such a gift!
God bless Joel, and safe travels in 2015.
Dude, you’re singing my song! With age comes much more than mere wisdom. Confidence, willingness to try things because you know you can survive them, no problem with clearing out toxic relationships, a greater awareness of the need for spirituality in one’s life, and so on.
I turned 50 a couple of months ago and was feeling all sprightly and “go-get-em”, and young enough to take on the world. So much so that I decided to FINALLY take that leap and start the business I’ve always wanted to start during the whole of the last decade.
Now I’m in the middle of the Start-Up Hell of juggling newly-trained staff, clients, new website design, crazy finances and so on, and I’m calmer than I’ve ever been in any business context. Because I’ve been through so much during my first half century (of the 3 half centuries I’m hoping for!), I know I can handle it.
Things would have looked so much different if I’d tried this in my twenties or thirties!
Congratulations on reaching this significant age, and congratulations on providing such great value and business-building information to so many of us. It’s much appreciated. It inspires some of us to jump in with both feet to our dreams!
so far i have the age advantage (negative advantage) on all the commentor’s, i am looking in the whites of the eyes of 62. funny but somewhere inside i’m still the 17 year old kid who knew everything.
i have found that my lust for success has diminished in direct proportion to my desire for inner peace and acceptance. money would be nice but what is the cost.
the most important thing now is family and my granddaughter.
like greg i think of how i would like to be remembered but the years have thought me that that is a condition that is above my pay grade.
happiness to all.
Hey Joel it is always good to hear what is going on in your mind. I truly dig your perspective on things. You are a blessing. Happy New Year to you and may this be the best year of your life as you approach 51. I have been pondering for months on some ideas and evaluating my goals and where I am going and what relationships I want to cultivate for mutual benefit this year and you are at the top of the list, if there is a list :-). You’ll be hearing from me really soon to explore the possibilities and I promise I am bringing my value with me. Oh yea, that 10k I spent to spend a day with you was the best 10k I have ever spent, honestly.
Having passed that birthday a few years ago myself, I appreciate your observations. I am heartened by the comment of that great philosopher Arnold Schwarzenegger who was asked by a reporter what it was like to reach his 50th birthday. Arnold said, “My only regret is that fully one-third of my life is over.”
Having adopted that as a belief and expectation myself, I invite you, Joel, to join us over-50’s in our quest for a long and healthy/wealthy life. May there be many more!
Great post Joel. ALL of it resonates–except the bit about the Beatles. 😉
I especially appreciate #2. I had an experience this year that was somewhat painful (growth often is), but it forced me to accept the truth that many people will never share my beliefs…and that’s ok. I can respect their choices while clinging steadfastly to my own. I can show love regardless.
Thanks for a great post and a peek inside your heart.
Joel, I totally have to echo Norma Bourland above: “Happy 50’s! The BEST is yet to come.” You indeed have set your path for an amazing aging process as you realize the beginning of wisdom taking over your life journey.
When I became aware that my own quirky stuff is more entertaining to me than – you so well described – “. . . playing the “Judge that Passerby” game . . .” getting older became more fun.
Joel, I got to know you a bit at NAMS from the ‘podium’ and your book effort: So, what Do You Do, Vol.2. I enjoyed your wit, intelligence, admired your accomplishments, and – I can say that as a septuagenarian – all enhanced as I watched you, a handsome energetic young man!(LOL) But, this post tucked at my heart, knowing that you are starting an amazing journey. I already enjoy witnessing from above when you one day reflect back from the seat I am sitting now. I will see that witty smile: “Yep, aging is indeed amazingly fascinating fun!”
Joel, all my love on your journey as you hold true on your reflections!
Joel i just like you.
I’m inching closer to the big 50 too, Joel! I hope in 2 years, I’ll like me, “warts and all”! Until then, I’mma photoshop those suckers..;-) Off to “Carpe all the diems I can”, my friend! By the way, 50 looks good on you!
Liz!
Great reflection. I believe that aging is our body, our carcass, but while we are open to learning, we feel young. My mother learned to play memory game on the computer at 90 years. she talked about various issues with people of all ages. He died at age 95, young and laughing circumstances and of herself.
I turned 50 this year as well. My wife is still waiting for me to behave as such. It’s not going to happen. I just don’t feel 50. Let’s see what happens at 60… pause… reflection… hmmmmm (that was meditation)
Everybody want to be a comedian on Joe’s account. Sorry Joe. You’re a good guy and dereve better : )
Err… sorry I meant Joel. I’ve only been reading his blog for 4 years. Wait. Is this what happens at 50? Dang it…
“Huh. Who knew half a century could fly by so fast?”
Hey Joel – You think ‘that’ went by fast – Wait ’til you hit 65 – From Now to then will seem like an ‘evaporation’ of time – Scary stuff I’m telling You 🙁
Are we in a time vortex though? as even my kids and grandkids are complaining about Time flying by so fast?
When we were kids time seemed to Draaaaaag so slowly.
Maybe it’s all this technology sapping up Soooo much of our ‘Most valuable time’?
Good luck and best wishes for 2015 Joel 🙂
Pete Moring
Great article!!! I made fifty too and I am feeling fabulous yet it was difficult as same as you making the shift to a new career and priorities could be challenging but now I feel great. Happy 50!
Great post, Joel. I’m 52 and can relate. I have an 82-year old man living on the bottom floor of my condo unit. He’s still alert and active and into life. We’re about 90 feet apart and 30 years apart at the same time. Being 52 makes me look back to 22 and I can’t believe what a long fulfilling road the last 30 years has been. Seeing me active 82-year-old neighbor reminds me that the next 30 years can still be very active and joyous adventure.
Wow! no wonder everyone finds you special. Yep to what you wrote sounds so pure and beneficial to others that are nearing that mark or have past it. When one least expects it…out of know where all the goodness comes flowing back…Take care