How to Treat Other People
How do you feel about celebrities?
Are you in awe when you meet someone that is well-known?
Do you get nervous when speaking with them?
Do you attribute value to people based on their status?
How do you treat those that appear to have achieved the level of status, wealth, fame or power that you may aspire to?
Having experienced a very limited sense of fame, I try to keep a level-headed perspective of celebrity.
While I have changed somewhat over the years, hopefully by learning and growing, I am still just Joel.
But something interesting happened to me when I became a more public figure.
I remember the first time I experienced a sense of “wow, people know who I am!”
I was at an Internet marketing conference in 2005. While walking through a corridor on the way to the event room, I heard one person whisper to another “that’s Joel Comm!”
I kept walking, but on the inside I did a double-take.
Initially I thought, “Huh? Why would someone be whispering my name to another?”
As the conference proceeded it became apparent to me that my success as an ebook author had preceded me. In fact, dozens of people wanted to meet me, shake my hands and spend some time speaking with me.
They shared how my book had helped them increase their revenue stream. They asked questions about my business. And they asked for my advice.
I soaked it all in and enjoyed the attention. But at the same time I felt unworthy of the adulation I was receiving. After all, I was just a guy who shared his experiences and strategies with others. I didn’t expect any level of celebrity from doing so.
I was very excited when I got home and shared what had happened with my wife. She was very proud of me. But then she reminded me that the trash needed to be taken out.
And there it was.
No matter how famous, wealthy or influential I would become, my identity was never to be in any of those things.
I was still just Joel; husband, father, son, brother and friend.
Many years later, I continue to experience increasing levels of success and notoriety.
New York Times best-selling books, international speaking gigs, top-selling applications and in-demand consultations can easily give someone a big head.
Not me.
First of all, my fame is very limited to a few narrow sectors. When I go to a conference or deliver a keynote, I may be treated with favor.
But I have never once been stopped on the street and asked for my autograph. The vast majority of the world has no idea who I am. And I like it that way.
I can’t imagine how movie stars, pop stars and those who are followed by the media manage to live their lives and experience any level of peace or privacy.
And second, I truly believe that all people are created equal by a loving God who is greater than all of us.
I don’t believe He is any respecter of person. He doesn’t love Lady Gaga any more than me. He doesn’t love the President any more than me. (Nor does he love me more than them.) And he certainly doesn’t love the homeless person any less than anyone else. We are all equal in His sight.
So who am I to think that I am any better than anyone else?
And who I am to treat someone else as though they are better than me?
For me this plays out two ways in my public life.
When someone is eager to meet me, I graciously accept their compliments, but I attempt to communicate that I am just a regular guy. I am privileged that my material has blessed them in some way and I am the one who should express gratitude.
There are times that people have become nervous while speaking with me and I don’t quite understand it. At those moments, I try to disarm those feelings by letting people see that I am just a fellow human being with struggles and troubles of my own.
I know what its like to experience pain… to be betrayed or taken advantage of.
I know what its like to make bad choices and to suffer the consequences.
I know what its like to struggle with my business and to face disappointment.
There is no place for me on any pedestal. Place me on one and I will invariably fall off, disappointing others as I stumble.
What happens when it is the other way around? How do I respond when I meet someone that I would perceive as being celebrity?
I treat them like a fellow human being.
Years ago I worked for a heiress of a very wealthy Texan family. She was a multimillionaire and I had the pleasure of working for her nationally syndicated Christian radio ministry.
I watched as those who interacted with her seemed to fawn over her very presence. I was amazed at how easily others would treat her as though she was truly on a different level because of her accomplishments.
And I sensed that she was not comfortable in that role. Humble and self-deprecating, she let the compliments roll off her back and attempted to connect with people on a heart level. That’s where she was most comfortable.
When it came to my interactions with her, there were others who were surprised that I spoke to her without any praise or adulation. I would tease her and poke fun the way I would anyone else.
And you know what? I think she appreciated that.
I am not impressed by your money.
I am not impressed by your power.
I am not impressed by your fame.
What impresses me is your character.
Money, power and fame only mean something if the person who has them uses those blessings to bless others.
Bono is a great example of someone who has used his platform, money and power to make a real difference in our world.
The antithesis of this would be someone like Paris Hilton, who uses her fame, money and power to feed her own ego.
There are those who begin to believe their own press. They actually believe they are entitled to greater respect because of their accomplishments, their vasts sums of money or the power they wield.
But its little more than an illusion.
The bottom line is that life is short and we all must face our mortality.
When we are dead and gone, it won’t matter how much money we had, how powerful we were or what we had accomplished.
The only trait that is truly important is our character.
What kind of person were we?
Were we caring? Compassionate? Generous? Kind?
I am FAR from perfect. Like you, I am a work in process.
It’s my hope that I continue to grow day-by-day, and in my work to better other’s lives.
The real heroes are not necessarily with money, power or fame.
They are the hard-working people who bring value to their customers and support their families.
They are the mothers and fathers who make sacrifices so that their children can have a better life than they had.
They are the military personnel, firefighters and law officers who risk their lives on a daily basis to protect ours.
How do you treat other people?
It’s my hope that we seek to treat each other with the equal respect that we all deserve.
And it’s my prayer that today I will conform just a step closer to being a man known for his patience, kindness, compassion, self-control, generosity and caring.
Does this resonate with you? Do you have differing opinions? I love to hear what you think, so please comment below.
We are all equal from the day we are born. We don’t come into the world with anything except ourselves – body and parent/s. You and I were dependent upon our carers for many things. You and I have skin sometimes a different color, or we may look physically different. Underneath the exterior coat we are all the same – with the same types of body bits, red blood, we think and we feel. You and I experience pain and grow in our own ways.
I agree with Joel I don’t treat anyone differently because of money, the way they look or the types of lives they lead. I look for similarities in us and it makes it way easier to approach you as a equal human being.
I have been fortunate to know what its like to work with multimillions, get to know them and their families. I have seen the prejudice against them from different people and know them to be people. The nicest ones were the people who like Joel treat you as equals. They are the ones if they were to lose everything would remain friends to this day.
At the other end, I have known intense poverty growing up and its the same. Anyone who was slightly different was someone to be afraid of.
Underneath all of the outer layers we are equal.
Money is good and I wish those with it well – to me its the person who matters not the outside trimmings.
As I have gotten older at the ripe old age of 40, I see life and its people with different eyes. A lot better place to be. I am inspired by the leaders and people of this world who see the person behind the exterior surface.
Thank you Joel and other readers for your comments.
Have a great day! 🙂
I haven’t met too many famous people but I have I try treat them like normal people, even if that meant passing up an autograph. Although I haven’t met any Red Sox yet. I talked to Herschal Walker while signed a card for my daugther. We talked like a couple average guys, it was cool.
I admit I was a little nervous Joel when we spoke on the phone, because in this realm you are a celebrity.
And again, many thanks from my brothers and sisters in blue. (police &fire)
Thanks for making my day, Joel. If the event in 2005 was Mark Victor Hansen’s mega, I was one of the guys who came up to you. I recall how approachable, warm, genuine, and down-to-earth you were – and are. Blessings, David
Somewhere there’s a picture of you & me together in a hotel room…no, that’s not what I meant! The Hyatt, Burlingame (near SF), January ’06, your AdSense group met in a room during the 3-day conference, and you had your pic taken with each of us. 🙂
Thanks so much for sharing from your heart. I just finished Kaching, bought the button, and am continually inspired by what you do and write. Although we have never met, I know that people are attracted to you because you are authentic – real. Keep up the good work Joel – you are helping people more than you know – what a gift.
You are so right about ‘stuff’. There is absolutely nothing wrong with conscious consumption and enjoying life’s abundant blessings. But when the final hour comes, nobody takes a suitcase, or anything else. We leave it all behind. I ask myself frequently, ‘What will be my legacy?’ Thanks for helping me focus on that again.
Godspeed my friend….
I just had a chance to catch up with the comments for the day.
Reading them cements one concept in my mind.
The true value of this blog is not in my writings and ideas, but in those who read and take the time to bring their writings and ideas to the conversation.
I’m overwhelmed with the continued outpouring of great stuff so many of you have to say!
Thanks for sharing yourselves with me. I pledge to continue sharing my thoughts and ideas… I hope you will do the same. 🙂
Joel
Joel,
To me you summed up the essence of your post here in one word, “character”. If I can influence my children about the world character is certainly at the top. I’m one of those that have held you in high regard because I’ve always felt you possess a great deal of character and integrity in an industry that is often severely lacking of these traits. I must confess to being a little star struck upon attending your seminar last summer. But only initially as I figured you correctly, a stand up guy that has his rock firmly grounded. Thanks for this inspirational post.
Joel,
Twice I have written heartfelt comments. But because I did not leave my email, etc. and returned to what I thought was my original comments, my thoughts were erased. That means starting all over again.
Apologize. Do not have time to rethink and feel they were worthwhile comments.
Joel
Dr. Mani’s FB post sent me to your =>
Awesome Post on Life and Character!
Right from the heart.
A great morning start 🙂
Merci Joel!
Cordialement
TEMPUS FUGIT
FIAT LUX
Joel Bomane from Sunny Southern France
Hello Joel – very brave of you to share in this way with the world at large. It speaks well of you as a person.
Like you, I’ve had my share of ‘celebrity’ in my field and it IS uncomfortable at times – no question about that. But if we can share with others the information they look to us for, then we’re contributing and that’s what counts.
Nice take on Paris Hilton btw – couldn’t agree with you more.
God bless.
This is the second or third time I have read and posted a comment on one of your articles. Theyr’e all great, this one in particular.
I have your book Kaching – it’s taught me a lot! Really pleased with my purchase. Thanks.
Your attitude to life and your view of how all people should be treated the same, irrespective of what they have or have not, is commendable. Agree with all the other comments – you are a good man.
Great people give of themselves and willing share their lives with others.
You qualify well, Joel. I’ve followed you for several years and bought a few of your products. My suspicion of you was borne out when I met you in-person at Ken’s JVAlert-Denver. Great presentation by yourself and your staff.
Okay, I must submit a new post that contradicts my previous post. I went to see My Red Sox play last night and I was like a kid seeing my team, it was awesome!
We are all created in the likeness of Christ by our heavenly father God, so to me whether you are rich, poor, a celebrity or not you are my brother or sister.
I am created in God’s image and so is my brother or sister in Christ whatever their status.
I try to look look at everyone through Gods’ eyes and ask myself, what would God say?, What would God do? Where would God go we’ve got to go there to because he wants to love them , love them through me and you.
As you said Joel, we are all humans and have the same needs, wants and experience similar emotions.
The only person that can fill up any void in our lives is God.
The only celebrity in our lives should be God the Alpha and Omega, Author and Finisher, Our Creator, our provider, supplier, our tower of refuge and strength, shield of protection, our father and friend, faithful, trustworthy, loving, truthful, eternal, living, true God. What celebrity can offer all this??
Celebrities are human and they have shortfalls too. God will never fail, leave or forsake us. He always has your best interests at heart. God loves you very much.
We have been placed on this Earth for a reason – What is your purpose??
For me, I look at everything around me and say that is all mine because at the end of the day it all belongs to God my father and I am his daughter and heir to his kingdom.
You are his daughter/son too, so when you look at the world this way then you will find it easier to treat others the way our heavenly father wants us to treat them regardless of their social status. You will begin to have authentic relationships with everyone not selfish ones.
Have a blessed day Comm Family and all my brothers and sisters out there.