It’s Not About Me
Death.
Now there’s a way to start a blog entry!
It’s been said by Steven Covey that we should “begin with the end in mind.”
Well, it doesn’t get any more “end” than death, does it?
At least as far as our lives on earth are concerned.
We live in a culture that is death-averse. We are fascinated with concepts of the afterlife, but death itself is a horrible thing that we’d rather not look at.
But death has a way of transforming our perspective. It awakens us to the reality of life and challenges us to make our days count.
Where am I going with this?
If our life on earth ends with us ending, we must examine how we live our lives.
Every day we are given is a gift. Some people didn’t wake up today. They have passed through to the other side. They don’t have the privilege of making choices on earth today.
But if you are reading this, you DO have that choice.
What legacy do you want to leave behind when you die?
Is it all about making a lot of money?
Money can buy you some pretty cool stuff, but lots of people have made money only to discover that it didn’t fulfill.
Is it about having fun?
I’m a big fan of having a good time. But the happiness which comes from the moment is fleeting. It only lasts as long as the moment lasts. We are then back where we were.
Or like some people I went to college with, is it all about sleeping around as much as possible?
Show me a celebrity praised by the grocery-store tabloids for his or her “conquests” and I’ll show you a celebrity with diseases and a trail of broken, wounded hearts.
Maybe it’s about power. After all, those in power rule the world, right?
Power is absolute power only if it lasts forever. I have yet to see a world ruler, a President or CEO or anyone else of this earth rule forever. Since even the most powerful person in the world ends up with the same fate as the rest of us, it’s not really absolute power. It’s only temporary.
Money, fame, power, relationships… what really matters? And what endures?
I am now in my forties. As I approach fifty, I am making a transition in my life.
I have spent a good many years focusing on what I can get out of life. Don’t get me wrong, I always like to make a difference in the lives of others. It’s one of the things that gives me a reason to do what I do.
But it is not uncommon for our focus to shift from ourselves to others and then back to ourselves. We want what we want. We are concerned with our feelings. And sometimes we lose sight of what’s really important.
As you might have deduced from the content of my articles over the last one or two years, I am becoming more vocal with my beliefs and what I think needs to be said.
I enjoy doing business. I love creating new products and services that help people or that entertain people. I get a thrill every time my team develops a new product or creates a hit. I really like the process and plan on continuing to do business.
But my life is more than products and services.
Before I am a businessman, I am a husband. I am a father. I am a friend.
And what I am discovering is that the greatest joy in life comes when we turn our perspective away from “what’s in it for me?” to “what’s in it for you?”
There’s an old axiom that says “hurt people, hurt people.” Be careful you don’t misinterpret that! I’m not saying we should go out and hurt people. I’m suggesting that we DO hurt others through our own selfish actions. When we are hurt, we have a tendency to go out and hurt other people.
I have been hurt by others more times than I can count.
You know what I am talking about.
– The parents who were too tied up in their problems to see how they were affecting their child.
– The so-called friends who led you to make bad choices that have left consequences.
– The business partners who robbed you blind.
The list goes on and on. There are as many ways to hurt someone else and be hurt as there are human beings.
We are frail. We are fallible. And we all experience the pain life can dish out.
But my greatest regrets in life are not the times I have been hurt.
My greatest regrets in life come from those times where I have hurt OTHERS and caused them pain.
Me? Cause pain?
Absolutely.
I’ve been telling people not to put me on a pedestal for a long time. I don’t belong on one and you don’t either.
I’ve made bad choices that have hurt business associates. “I’m sorry we got so far into this joint venture, but I need to back out…”
I’ve made choices that have hurt my friends. “What you are going through is too overwhelming for me, so I am abandoning you when you most need a friend…”
I’ve made choices that have hurt my wife and kids. “Sorry kids, Daddy is busy with work. Maybe we can play later…” or “Let’s talk about me. Me… me… me.”
Selfishness sounds like a word that would only impact the self. But the truth is that selfishness has a way of reaching all those we touch.
That can’t be what life is about. It just can’t.
The good news is that it isn’t. Life may be about many things.
It’s about our relationship with our Creator. It’s about bringing value to our families, community, nation and world. It’s about seizing the moments and living life today.
It’s about marveling at the miracle of birth and fully grasping the reality of death.
But one thing life is NOT about…
It’s not about me.
We can place ourselves at the center of the universe and deceive ourselves into thinking we belong there.
But it is nothing more than self-delusion.
We can go through life asking “What’s in it for me?” if we want to.
But at the end of the road, those who persist in asking that question are the ones with the fewest funeral mourners.
We really do have one opportunity to get it right in this life.
I, for one, intend to make it count.
As I mentioned a few days ago, this is my blog and I will use it to discuss whatever is on my mind.
I’ve been told by others there are some things you don’t mix with business.
That’s a load of nonsense.
I say be authentic and people will either like you for you who are or they won’t. I don’t need everyone to like me.
In the days to come I will be bringing forth more authenticity than ever before. You may like it. You may not.
Regardless, it’s going to be real. It’s going to be raw. And it’s going to be straight from my heart.
Come along for the ride if you wish. Or not.
As I continue to examine myself, I would encourage you to challenge yourself today.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself…
1) Am I in the pursuit of things that will bring me fulfillment?
2) Am I making a difference in other’s lives today?
3) Do I believe the universe revolves around me?
I can’t imagine that you have any comments, but if you do you know how to post them below. 😉
Joel you’re being a wuss. Why don’t you just say what you really mean? lol!
You can ask the question, am I here to be surved by others or am I here to serve others. Your answer will show in the results you get in life. Great post Joel! I look forward to read more authentic texts from you.
EXCELLENT POST
I wish many others would think and write like you.
You need to be a personal of moral character to write like you.
Please continue to write about whatever is on your mind. It is good insight for all of us. I think you should mix personal with business.
When a personal is all business, it makes appear shallow and only out for the almighty dollar. Sadly,’The end justifies the means’ for many.
Good post! I have been up and down so many hills in my life that I have lost count
Was very successful in business and very bankrupt in business!
Happily married and disastrously divorced!
Fathered two children and was a lousy father.
Had good friends and ignored them.
All that I did in life was about me,me,me!
Now that I have reached the short end of the candle in life I feel nothing
but remorse and sadness.
Have spent the last year seeking forgiveness from my family and friends.
But most of all from my God who one day I must come face to face.
PS. Sorry I didn’t mean to turn this post into a confessional.
Good post! I have been up and down so many hills in my life that I have lost count
Was very successful in business and very bankrupt in business!
Happily married and disastrously divorced!
Fathered two children and was a lousy father.
Had good friends and ignored them.
All that I did in life was about me,me,me!
Now that I have reached the short end of the candle in life I feel nothing
but remorse and sadness.
Have spent the last year seeking forgiveness from my family and friends.
But most of all from my God who one day I must come face to face.
PS. Sorry I didn’t mean to turn this post into a confessional.
Joel,
Reading your notes pain me because I know you are being for real. We have a lot in common.
Continue being you. I am not a religious person but spiritual. (There are a number of ministers in my family so you’d think I would be religious.)
Thank you for your sincerity.
Joel,
I know exactly where you’re coming from here. I’ve been spending so much time trying to figure out how to make “me” right, that I’ve pushed away some of the people I love the most. No amount of money in the world can replace the love that I just lost. I’m sick of being selfish. I’m shooting for the “Give to get” moto. Give people what they need and you’ll receive what you deserve. I need to focus on giving more and worry less about what I’m receiving. God’s got my back and says, I’ll reap what I sow. I plan on sowing some good stuff. Thank you for sowing some good thoughts as well my friend.
God bless,
Lance A. Zimney DC
Joel;
These are all great, thought provoking comments. Several years ago, I read Steven Covey’s book, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”. He made a very powerful and thought provoking point. A year later, I read something similar in a post by Michael Hyatt. As a result, it provoked thought, wonder, and motivation to be all I can possibly be. Thank you for the reaffirmation. I have always felt that if I read something and it makes sense, then somewhere else I read something similar, there must be an ounce of truth. I have found that when I feel the ounce of truth, it turns into a pound of truth.
@ J.N. Wallace – Robert Alden once said, “There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of even one small candle” We all are lighting the next candle by understanding how what we do affects others in a profound way.
We have today to start working on Touching people’s lives and to light the wick that can become the torch.
Wow Joel.. I love your posts. I’ve known about you within the internet community, but haven’t paid a whole lot of attention until recently. Your blog completely resonates with me. Looking forward to hearing more.
Joel,
Your are absolutely right.most people today don’t realize that the day is coming sooner or later when money,power or fame won’t matter.You can’t take them with you.Use that precious gift that God gave all of us “time” to help your fellow humans.That will be around when you are gone.
Keep it up and keep doing good.
Karam
Hi, Joel!
You probably don’t remember me – as it was five, six (?) years ago since I bought your Adsense Secrets v 1.5 and I was active poster at your adsensechat.com.
Since that time I gave up adsense (and doing a little bit of affiliate marketing), however I still receive your newsletter and read it occasionally since I have respect for you.
In the meantime, there’s been a major spiritual change in my life as I became a disciple of Christ and decided to live my life in light. You can’t imagine my surprise when I read your post! I can only say: You’re on the right path, seek and you will find!
Furthermore, I’ve been active at a blog of Perry Marshall that is about Christianity and theology (www.coffeehousetheology.com) and later I found out that you and the other internet-money-making guy that I appreciate (Brad Callen) both have high regards of him as a teacher in internet business (correct me if I’m wrong but I’m sure I read it in one of your newsletters). Now what odds are that? Imagine my surprise there also!
Anyway, I would like to express my joy about reading your statement that “It’s about our relationship with our Creator.” If you would like to keep in touch with me, feel free to write.
Best regards
Dalibor
As lots of people have already said I have also been thinking about this a lot. For me the internet business used to be all about traffic but as soon as I started trying to help people a lot more personally my business turned around.
You are doing a great service to your business as well as for all your readers by writing this Joel, Thanks!
I’m with you on this one Joel; there’s something intrinsically beautiful about helping people and not looking for any reward, as both parties benefit from the experience. If we manage to get our three score years and ten, then we don’t have that much time before we are gone; some will be lucky, others, not so. It’s really down to the individual to live a purpose driven life, for what time they have on this earth; in the end money means absolutely nothing, as there are no pockets in shrouds. Pay it forward before you shuffle off this mortal coil. As it’s 3am as I write this, I’ll close by saying, Goodnight and may Your Own God go with you.
thanks for the post
I was touched by your words but Paul from Liverpool really pulled it together for me. I get so frustrated with all the offers and then the lack of understanding after the paypal confirmation comes through. So many of us are really giving it our best and with so little results and no income. Got to dig deep and keep working away at our futures. Must be competitive in this world. Really love the company I find in your blog. Thanks.
joel,
Great article. I think the real light is on the way. When we reach that light, life become more meaningful.