The Only Time I Answer My Phone. Ever.
Once upon a time in the west, if you wanted to reach someone on the other side of the country you would send a message via Pony Express. Ten days later (or more) your message would be received.
Today, we can instantly communicate with others on the other side of the world in mere seconds. The channels for reaching each other have not only become lightning fast, but they are also varied.
Today, we receive messages via text, apps, Skype, Google +, Facebook Messenger and email.
And oh yeah, there are still those of us who use a telephone to (gasp) make a phone call.
I use, and embrace, all the technologies. But I’ve recently been thinking about how I not only use them, but how I prefer others to engage with me.
I feel there is a pecking order for each of these. So allow me to propose a “chain-of-command,” if you will, for when to use each type of tech for reaching out. I’m going to intentionally speak in first person as you may approach things differently.
#1 – Email
Email is most accessible, and I believe, the lowest rung on the ladder for reaching out to me. This is especially true if we’ve not met.
I’ve set up a contact form on my website and it invites anyone to send a message, whether it be for a speaking inquiry, joint venture proposal, question, comment or anything else. Since I receive these directly, it allows me to sift through and prioritize the most important messages and contact as needed.
The fact that I can search email and easily find what I am looking for makes it tops in my charts for both initiating contact and continuing conversation which can be documented and referenced.
#2 – Social Media
Next up the ladder is social media. Whether it be via LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter or any other place where I have a public profile, this is a great way for someone to reach out.
One of the problems with LinkedIn is all the spammy messages that end up in my inbox. There’s a whole lot of unsolicited proposals for search engine optimization, network marketing opportunities and job prospecting. I even get the occasional firm that wishes to help with my social media presence. Apparently, someone isn’t doing their homework.
Still, I’m fine with people reaching out by sending a direct message on Facebook or Twitter. In fact, Messenger is a great way to ping me with a quick question, a hello or a useful link. I don’t mind keeping my Facebook chat turned on because there are some happy interruptions throughout my day.
However, please don’t send any information that I need to keep track of via one of these services. Social media moves very quickly, and unless specifically requested, it’s likely that your request will get buried way beneath the fold. Phone numbers, addresses, emails and other important info are always best recalled if sent to email.
This, however, does not apply to Skype or other messenger services where you must be “added” as a friend in order to make contact. Unsolicited inquiries via these means can feel intrusive. I am selective in accepting friend requests, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to keep Skype on. Messages would come throughout the day and render the service annoyingly unusable.
#3 – Apps
And likewise, as we move into apps, we are entering the acquaintance zone. Whether What’s App (which I don’t use), GroupMe or any other chat app for my phone, these are to be used only by people I have a relationship with. I keep all notifications turned off on my phone so as to not be constantly having to look at what’s going on. It’s best if only family, friends and business associates who I am directly connected with contact using an app.
#4 – Text Messaging
As we climb towards the very top of the ladder, we encounter texting.
This is a highly personal method of reaching out, and not for a first time contact. There must be an established relationship with an intentional sharing of numbers in order for a text message to be okay. If you text and we don’t have an existing relationship, you have chosen poorly. If you are a family member (obviously), a friend (duh) or a close business associate (hi out there!), I am more than happy to get a text from you. Go ahead… say hello. I’ll probably respond with an emoji.
However, and I refer back to my comments on messaging in general, I don’t like to end up in long conversations on text… except when I do. In general, if it isn’t pressing I find that email is the best place to have longer conversations. That, or actually speaking.
#5 – The Phone
Which leads me to the top rung. The phone itself.
I put my cell number on the do-not-call registry a few years back. As a result, I don’t get too many telemarketers calling.
My phone number is a very personal thing. Again, family, friends and business associates who I have given my number to are free to call anytime.
I only answer my phone under three circumstances:
1) I see who it is because they are in my contact list. If it’s one of my kids, I’ll pick up unless I am speaking on stage. Even then, I’ve picked up the phone before in front of an audience just to let them know I’m here and will call them back when I am done talking. If it’s someone else, I’ll pick up if I am able. If I can’t, I figure if it’s important they will leave a voicemail.
2) I am expecting a call from someone in an area code but I don’t have them in my address book. For example, if I list something on Craigslist and I give someone my number to call so we can discuss the item.
3) I’m bored and want someone to talk to. If I get to this point and I pick up the phone, I may answer with a foreign accent and confuse the crud out of you. I’ll be entertained and you’ll wonder how you got the wrong number.
Under no circumstances will I pick up my phone if the display says “Blocked” or “Unknown.” This automatically weeds out most bots and telemarketers. It also gets rid of most fundraisers and political action committees.
Those who really need to get a hold of me will leave a message at the beep. I always listen to my messages and return calls as time, need and/or interest allows.
Confused? It’s okay. I’ve gotten a little dizzy just trying to sort this out.
Essentially, what this amounts to is a set of healthy boundaries. They are boundaries that allow me to enjoy and embrace technology while not becoming a slave to it.
What boundaries do you have in place for contacting you? Do you agree with mine or would you have minor or major modifications? Please share your thoughts with me below! That would be a very appropriate form of communication. 🙂
Joel,
You left out direct mail. Done properly, direct mail is a huge industry and still a viable method to build business.
Jeff
There’s also face-to-face, Jeff. You are correct, but this article was about contacting using digital communications. Direct mail is still analog. 🙂
Joel – Nice read, and I agree with about everything you said. What are you thoughts on voice mail? I hate listening to voicemail, because I have sit there and listen to an auto-attendant and then the caller’s message as well. Listening to voice mail does not take a lot of time, but it definitely drags and drags (annoying). As a matter of fact, I have a few VM that I will probably never listen on my phone, because I just do not want to deal with it. If you are calling me, we already have a time set up, and I’m next to my phone. If I don’t know you and we did not set up a time to talk, you are soliciting me. I will not take the call and / or listen to the voice mail. Send me an email, if you have done enough due diligence to find it. Just my thoughts and I enjoyed the article.
Great read Joel and what an insight. However in My country Zimbabwe, I always pick calls not saved on my mobile phone for the basic reason that business here sometimes come as referals. Secondly, I do pick private numbers (hidden numbers) because some company landline numbers do not show the number and if I dont I may loose the business
Raher interesting analysis, Joel. Should I ever become as popular as you, I’ll probably need to resort to such a schedule. In the meantime, my preferences are email and the telephone. I can see who is contacting me and choose to answer or not. (The ‘phone includes Texting and voice).
I totally agree! Picking up the phone is just so yesterday. Who does that anymore?
Kidding, of course. I do it for clients every day. Some of them are still locked in that mindset and it’s OK.
But my friends and family know better. Text or IM first or I won’t pick up on nights and weekends. Yell into my answering machine and tell me who you are or NOPE. So much nope.
The Do Not Call list doesn’t protect you, though, Joel. I get people from Pakistan and Nigeria wanting to “fix” my computer by giving them control of it all the time. As if I’d give control of my computer to “Mike.” Uh-huh.
it appears our patterns are much the same Joel. The order is often the same for me.
I questioned the idea that you rank them with qualitative positions. Is email not as good as social to send you confirmation that you got a gig or notice that you get paid?
When asked, I tell people they can use what they are comfortable with. For many, I hear that email is for quality business conversations. So I let them. I don’t label that as lower, just different.
Funny how most people I talk to all the time ask for my phone number when we’re in the same town so they can text me. I give it to them, then remind them that voice and text just get sent to email.
My preference us Facebook Messenger. Skype is supposed to be the same, as is Google Hangouts. Come to think of it, I talk to people on all three interchangeably.
And if I really want to ramble, there’s blog post comments
I agree – since I end up doing a fair amount of “tech support” for my clients, it is always best to reach out via email before calling me so that I have a heads up as to what we are going to talk about. This is true even if you have a business proposal or other request. Give people a head’s up before taking up their time or expecting that when you call is convenient.
I agree… except on voice mails. The only person that leaves a voice mail is my Mom, so I check that. Otherwise, if I don’t answer, they should probably follow up with a text. My work voice mail has been full for years. I like it that way – at least everyone knows that I did not get their message.
Warren made me laugh.
I feel the same about most ways to contact me. All of that is changing since I went back into real estate. Please call me to see a dream home! I disabled Skype and never use Google hangouts or Twitter DMs. Since I dislaike email, I prefer Facebook messages . If I’ve shared my phone number, please text me. I almost always answer for my kids or grandkids if I have my phone with me. I frequently leave the phone on the other side of the house. Therfore, I set boundaries by not being accessiible.
Joy!
Jeanette
Interesting that we both have similar opinions except about voice mail, Joel. Of course, I “do” voice mail but it’s the least-favorite of my communication preferences.
Did you know that Coca Cola decided to give up voice mail, as of December, 2014? They say: “The decision to kill voicemail was made ‘to simplify the way we work and increase productivity,’ according to an internal memo obtained by Bloomberg’s Duane D. Stanford.” (http://www.businessinsider.com/coca-cola-just-killed-voicemail-2014-12)
Apparently, people over the age of 40 still use voice mail, however, those under 40 hardly use it at all.
But I don’t think it’s an age-related preference. It comes down to productivity. For example, if one of my programmers or my assistant has a question that needs answered right now, I prefer a text message. I can usually reply immediately (unless speaking on stage, like you mentioned) and thus, avoid a pause in our production.
I really enjoy reading your blog posts, Joel.
Thanks for taking time to read my comment.
Here’s the article I pulled the quote out of, regarding Coca Cola killing voice mail:
Read more: http://www.businessinsider.com/coca-cola-just-killed-voicemail-2014-12#ixzz3Rva1HLWd
Joel, my list is quite similar. Far and away, e-mail is best – I prefer asychronous message exchange. I HATE the phone EXCEPT if it is a scheduled appointment – then it’s fine. But unplanned incoming calls interrupt my flow of thought. I almost never answer them.
My thoughts on this are similar to yours. However, I reserve phone communication for appointments only. Most of the time my phone is on silent and I refer all voicemails to my google voice number so it can be transcribed and emailed to me. It’s rare that I pick up a phone call. If I do you’re a close friend or family member and I happen to be looking at my phone while it’s on silent. (Great article Joel.)
@Joel — you can scratch #2 off the list, for craiglist anyway. I haven’t tried it yet but just learned of the burner app from Tim Ferriss and kevin rose’s “the random show” — lets you create one time phone numbers to give out on CL and stuff, so they don’t have your real phone number at all. You’ll definitely know who it is thats calling too.
Warren also made me LOL!!
Good to know and discuss personal communication preferences. This always helps when building authentic relationships and it’s a policy of mine to ask people what method(s) they prefer, just like I ask if they prefer to go by a certain name (e.g. Bob, Rob, Robert), if it’s unclear at the outset.
Hey Joel,
Short and Simple…. Nail on the Head!!!
I’ll add that
it’s preferred to work up the chain of command by
invitation only. Or you will not likely get a response
way to little time to “chat” in any form and I worked
as a telemarketer in the past – I developed a severe
allergy to the “phone”!
Cheers and Best Wishes as Always,
Robert
I agree with your article. What gets me peeved is when you apply to jobs, if they are interested in you, you get an email which is the last place I would look at my email. First its unprofessional, not everyone looks to their email or get to many emails, you may have a computer problem, etc. By the time you see the email its too late. So for anyone you should pick up the phone and call it won’t hurt you. Whats wrong with just picking up the phone? And If you should call and leave a message please call back its professional. It says a lot about you when you don’t call back….
Joel,
it was interesting that you did not mention that you have a business email and a personal email, a business phone and a personal phone. Maybe a lot of self employed only have one of each, but won’t having seperate emails and numbers also help to divide the work load? And then you could have an employee sift through your emails and calls.
While I have your attention (seeing that on one else wrote a comment!), could you refer me to one of your associates that works with charities. I have followed you for a few years and much of your marketing advice and resources (I bought Easy Sketch Pro) is very business oriented for obtaining sales. I am sure alot of your resources can help me recruit volunteers and donors, but need a little help thinking this through. If you can be so kind as to refer me to someone who can help me build my donor and volunteer base for my Christian non profit I would be greatly in debt.
Thanks,
Larry at [email protected]
Hi Joel ….. It seems replying to blog posts gets pretty good attention 😉
Know what you mean about the ‘unknown’ phone calls … PPI – car accidents – government grants etc, etc …. AARRGGHH!!! 🙂
Cheers – Pete.
I am there with you on that. Phones are disruptive; you and the other person have to both interrupt your schedule to be on the call at the same time. It’s like a meeting. But email and Skype (and other social media) can be sent on the sender’s schedule and responded to on the receiver’s schedule. There are times when voice is better, but generally I prefer email, especially because it is searchable (unlike my memory!)