Unfriending on Facebook for Fun and Sanity
Facebook can be very frustrating. Early on, I accepted every friend request that came my way. I was being social, right?
Shortly after hitting my 5000 friend limit, my account was suspended. After creating a bit of a hullaballoo (don’t get to use that word very often), my account was re-activated.
Then came pages. Now I had a place to send people who wanted to follow me. The numbers quickly grew.
But my Facebook stream was unmanageable. After all, I was “friends” with 5000 people, many of whom I do not know.
I’ve often wondered what it would be like to have a Facebook stream that was populated only by people I actually know.
I’m not going to wonder for much longer.
I am unfriending thousands of people on Facebook.
You see, having two places to post has led to a bit of confusion for me. If I post on my regular profile I can reach 5000 people who have friended me.
If I post on my fan page, I can reach over 12,000 people.
The problem is this. I have personal things I like to post and I have business things I like to post. How to separate the two?
The answer has become simple, but a bit painful to execute.
My personal page at http://facebook.com/joelcomm/ will become just that… a personal page. It will be reserved for family and friends (defined as people I actually know who I wish to have relationship with). Only friends will be able to see content of this page. And Matt Clark at Tweetpages.com has created a great image to direct others to my fan page.
My fan page at http://facebook.com/joelcommfan will be used for that which I wish to make public. Easy, right?
Well, perhaps not so easy.
I now have the task of going through all 5000 “friends” and unfriending those who don’t meet the relationship criteria as I have defined it.
Back in November 2009 I unfollowed everyone on Twitter. I found a great bulk tool for making it possible. Unfollowing 70,000 might have taken a long time!
Unfortunately, there is no tool for “bulk” unfriending people on Facebook. And if I used a bulk tool I would also end up wiping out my real friends.
I also can’t assign this task to someone in my office. After all, no one else knows who I wish to keep as friends. It could be disastrous.
So, one click at a time I must unfriend people that I will no longer connect to on my regular page. I imagine this will take me a number of hours. Over the next week you will see my friend count drop dramatically. I am curious to see what the count is once I am done pruning.
I apologize to anyone who may be offended by this move, but I gotta do what I gotta do. I hope to see you on my fan page at http://facebook.com/joelcommfan
Let the unfriending begin!
What are your thoughts on this? How do you separate your personal life from business life on Facebook?
I actually think it is very wise to do that. There are so many internet wackos too and so many reports of crime like someone breaking into your house after you report being at a restaurant. I have even heard stories of “friends” asking someone’s gramma to become friends with them just trying to sell their stuff to them…It is much better to keep your profile for people that you know and have a separate fan page. You can also set up your personal profile to have a direct link to your fan page at the top. You can edit your profile and add the fan page url to I think it is the work section and it shows up right at the top of your profile.
Hey Joel… unfriend me! I am always in touch with your blog and fan page and I know is difficult to have everyone everywhere!! I also thought about this a few days ago wow! have a nice day.
Sounds like a plan to me. click…click…click…click…whew!
Another good reason not to use Facebook. I don’t see a purpose for it, other than to sell stuff that someone may not want. I wouldn’t do that to friends. My friends account is private, not for public viewing.
Ouch! Looks like I’m that example here. And I thought that night of drunken debauchery in Vegas was worth something…
I can relate. I don’t have 5000 followers but I don’t know the people posting on my wall. lol. Gotta do what you gotta do. 🙂
Talking about facebook friends, if they are not relevant to your niche or product, then it is a waste of time even if you have 1 million friends.
Always try to make friends with people who are interested in your business or interest.
I can relate to your position 100%. I believe that now may be the time for me to rework my Facebook presence as well.
I am anti facebook. I’m hoping that I will not have to use it in future either for linking purposes or even socialising. It seems to me like a waste of time and a lot of hot air is expelled running after people to give you street cred.
It appears that social media is taking over everybody’s life and dictating how they should lead their lives now and in the future. How pathetic is that.
There is too much chatter and not enough action!!!
Blogs are just right for that sort of thing as well as backlinking, and niche marketing etc.
So far as I see it the World has gone mad with all this tweeting, YouTubing and facebook crap.
Haven’t we got better things to do with our lives. We have all become robots on demand having to do what everyone else is doing. How sad is that.
Down with useless, pathetic social media. How about getting more creative.
That is why I like you Joel, you are always being creative.
See you on the other side.
Harry
Hi Joel
I have not done much with facebook or twitter.
I have a separate account for family/friends and am setting one up for my business.
Its sometimes a fine line between business and personal. I have been a watcher and observer when it comes to social media.
I think your fan page is a good idea for business that way you will free up the other account for your personal life.
Will be time consuming sorting through the 5000 names list. Still a good lesson learnt – thank you for sharing this with us.
Have a great day 🙂
After I understood what is twitter about, I just delete 1000 following lists today. :p I got same problem between personal messages and business messages I want to send. That’s why I decide to manage most of my accounts from social network from now.
Joel:
I did the same thing as you, but I only have a few people over the count of 500, and doubt if I know over 200 of them. I allowed people to join who were friends of friends, not knowing them. So how does one go about un-friending the ones that we don’t know?
I think it’s a grand idea Joel. You have a certain celebrity status, and when you do everyone wants to be your friend, but in truth, and as I am sure you know, it has no basis in reality.
Just yesterday I was looking at my FB page and wondering who the heck some of the people were whose posts I was reading, so I am in the process of doing exactly the same thing. It made me realize that I too want my page to be an actual friend page, and not an acquaintance page or to have people posting whom I’ve never even met.. so the FB page is going to be friends only and the Fan page (or Like page as I guess it’s being called now) will have everything else.
In my opinion, someone cannot be classified as a friend if you’ve never met them (generally speaking) or are not in touch on a regular basis, and and even if you have and are it doesn’t necessarily mean there is an actual friendship. There is a big difference to me between being an acquaintance and being a friend. I’ve had a great many of the former, and very few of the latter when it comes right down to it.
I expect that in your position dealing with it can be difficult and hard to get away from, and I do not envy you at the moment because undoubtedly some people are going to be pissed off. But having said that, you have a right to a private life and to close friends on a Facebook page.
So as I see it, if the people who are on there now are not close and do not qualify as close friends, then the obvious thing to do would be to unfriend them. If they can’t understand that and be good with it, then they’ll just have to get over it I guess. Some of mine are going to have to.
Cheers
Dr. John Michael Christian
I understand your rationale. However, it eliminates the possibility of a new online friend becoming a friend in physical reality (depending on your criteria of course).
Personally I think you are right. There are people I don’t know whom, regrettably, I have accepted as friends and before I know it, they are marketing stuff down my throat.
I would say go for it.
As for your pages, now I am not sure which one I belong to!
Well done, Joel.
It was obvious from the beginning of ‘list-building’ that the type of relationship that could be built was always going to be rather thin. Symbiotic, really – you get to market to John Smith x5000, John Smith gets to say Hi! to am IM VIP in the hope of getting a personal reply one day. Seldom happens, and guess who gets the benefits in the relationship…
Which is not all bad, but yet another example of the people with massive lists just get to dominate the marketplace, cyberplace, socialspace again again. Boring and frustrating for the little guy.
So, all the best, hope you enjoy the difference. And, just for a challenge, what say you choose say, 100 people randomly from amongst your ‘friends’ and actually spend the time getting to know them, and giving them a chance to get to know you?
That way, you’ll probably meet some really decent folk, and your cred will spread a whole lot more from 100 real relationships (Hey Joel, great to catch up last weekend, really enjoyed seeing you at the BBQ) rather than 50000 unreal ones (Hey Joel, I know you ’cause I read your name in someone’s email 5 years ago).
Jesus is alive!
Best regards
Stephen
New Zealand
No problem, I just can’t believe it has taking you this long to have your own private page. Privacy is important and unfortunately there are to many fools out there who want to befriend for the wrong reasons. Good luck, and enjoy your privacy page (pretty much like a sweet divorce)
Stephen.
A timely post, Joel, and something I’ve been thinking about of late. My Facebook history starts in 2006 and I’ve always tried to keep my “friends” to folks I would welcome into my home for tea. Some unfamiliar names floated through my newsfeed this week and I realized that some of the folks who made it past the “tea test” haven’t been interacting with me so I’ve forgotten who they are and why I know them. So, spurred on by your comments, it’s time to cull the herd.
Best, Angela
I think this brings up the point of quality versus quantity in social media. You could have thousands of friend or followers, but if you don’t have significant interaction with them, they are not doing you much good.
Joel,
I totally agree with you in pruning your FB friends. It’s really useless to “keep in touch with thousands” when the reality of it is non-existent. The “like” process is a popularity contest. That, in itself is not long term.
The becoming a “fan” thing is short lived because I truly believe that once someone becomes your fan, for the most part, they are too much distracted to being a “loyal” reader of your posts.
In my opinion Facebook and all other social media sites are the result of that part of our population that has “ADD.” As said before, we are attracted to the “shiny object” syndrome and after the novelty wears off, that population migrates the new shining light. This is all a result of the convenience store, gotta have it now, instant push button culture we live in:)
Hi Joel,
I totally understand why you need to do what you’re doing. Some people will take it the wrong way and they simply don’t understand the diffculty in what you’re facing.
We’re technically not friends but have exchanged some notes after I tipped you off to someone using you in a promotion without your consent. Plus, I’m the one who kept urging you to create a product on how to do iPhone apps. 🙂
So, no worries about unfriending me. People can always follow you on Twitter, stay on your mailing list, etc.
Facebook is but one channel of communication. 🙂
Good luck completing the task!
Michael
I came to this post as a result of an e-mail from you – only to discover upon checking my Facebook list that we are no longer “friends”. Perhaps we never really were – but at least we have met and talked (both in persona and via e-mail) on several occasions (which is more than I can say for many other people on my “friend” list).
I have considered doing the same thing you just did on Facebook and recently “limited access” of about 1,100 contacts as a way of keeping contact with both real and virtual acquaintances but not letting them see everything I post on my personal profile.
I have two questions.
Since Facebook does not notify anyone when they have been removed from someone else’s friend list, how will they know to look for and “like” that person’s “public page” if they have not already done so (since they will no longer get updates on their home page or be able to read what may be posted on the personal page of the person who deleted them)? I ask mostly for myself (and others who may be considering reducing their social media friend lists to actual friends).
Unless things have changed, Facebook pages don’t notify the administrator when people comment and does not provide updates from even those the page has liked. Is keeping someone a personal “friend” the only way to know when others posts or be able to comment other than on your own page?
Hi Joel,
Sometimes it will become disturbing when see a lot of spamming advertising from “friends”. If they still continue to spam me then I will definitely “unfriend” with them.
But as an internet marketer’s point of view, the bigger the list the better…so we have to pay the price of what it takes.
Thanks.
Kent
I feel facebook is hard to manage friends compared to twitter.
I think this brings up the point of quality versus quantity in social media. You could have thousands of friend or followers, but if you don’t have significant interaction with them, they are not doing you much good.
Hi Joel, Sounds like you’re going to be busy with facebook =)Do you mind sharing the bulk tool for Twitter….
Hi
I ever wondered I can use facebook. Facebook is for friends, for business, for communities. All have different needs. Twitter can be easily managed. Linkedin is specialised for business. Facebook has to find there niche rather than confusing people. Twitter are linkedin are very easy to use. This is a great post. I agree with this scenario
Seems it would be easier to unfriend and refriend you family and personal friends on a new page made just for them.
I’m just sayin.
Colleen
And can you be “real friend” of people you haven’t actually met in your life nor interact with them?
Thanks for sharing this. I see too many facebook profiles which are mixed between business and personal activities.
Good luck
Thanks for this info, but for me, i don’t think i can leave facebook now. Just sticking to what works for me.
Thanks for the info Joel. I think this brings up the point of quality versus quantity in social media. You could have lots of friends, but if you don’t build up a strong rapport with them, they won’t be helpful at all.
I am with you 100%, and I think more and more people who use Facebook for both business and pleasure have the same problems.
Dare I say that I think maybe Google+ may have come up with a solution by way of the circles feature which allows you post to targeted groups of people within your contacts?
I had the same problem last week. Weird thing to find my account was disabled without notice, but it has been reinstated since.
Facebook can be quite annoying, so I’m liking what you recommend here. But unfriending thousands of people? That’s harsh, but maybe a smart business decision.
I totally get it. I’ve friended people up on my personal FB page that don’t interact with me or appreciate it so thinking about doing this myself to really just focus on true friends and those that are at least trying. I’ve tried to keep friends and business together but it isn’t working so great any longer. I of course hope you’ll still keep me in the friend list